Monday, January 23, 2012

Describing the indescribable

There has never been anything bigger that has happened to me; never anything more important than the birth of my son. I should be gushing with words of love and amazement, but for some reason, I can't seem to.
I feel them - the love and amazement. Believe me, I do. But I can't think them. I can't assign them words, organize them into thoughts.
I started this blog for two reasons: 1- to practice this thing I love to do: write. And 2- to record the magic of my pregnancy and the birth of my first child. To put words to the moments that leave you speechless. Because that's what this journey into parenthood is: a series of brand new experiences that knock the wind out of you over and over again. Its impossibly overwhelming.
But for a while there, I was doing pretty well with both objectives. I found ways to tell you about the amazing - or sometimes, not so amazing - things that were happening to me. I captured the way I felt when I found out I was pregnant and when I first heard his heart beat.
But then something happened. I'm not sure exactly when, but at some point this experience grew beyond my grasp. The moments and the emotions stretched beyond my ability to relate to you.
They were officially indescribable.
So here I am, left wanting to tell you about the way my incredible little boy has changed my life, about how much I love every square inch of him, but there literally aren't words.
All that I have are overused, insufficient phrases:
Nothing will ever be the same.
I wouldn't trade it for anything.
I love him more than anything else in this world.
I would do anything for him.

All true. And yet there's so, so much more than that.
I'll keep looking for the words - and I'll let you know when I find them.


  1. Brought tears to my eyes... I feel the same way about my girls... "insuffient & over used words" is exactly right in describing the abundance of joy and love and utter delight in our children. :)

  2. With a face like that, what do you expect...? You'll find the words. And it will be a great story, one that he will read and cherish forever