Monday, May 23, 2011

I can laugh about it now...

But it wasn't really all that funny at the time.
I got into the shower with a stomach on the edge of nausea. A little voice told me to eat before I got in my shower but I ignored it [mistake #1], desperate for a hot shower that was too long in coming. And it was glorious - it really was - but by the time I got out, food had moved from a good idea to a straight up necessity.
Enter my devilish husband.
He comes into the bathroom and tries to seduce me! And, of course, it worked. [mistake #2] I can't resist a handsome man who loves me, can you?
Ok. Fast forward. (Let's keep things PG, shall we?)
I saw a movie a long time ago (aprox. 16 years old - parents out of town - Blockbuster Movie Rentals - me unaware that 'not rated' probably means 'way way worse than R rated') that included a love scene after which the young, no-longer-virgin girl begins to cry. I just couldn't understand it. How ridiculous, I thought. You just had sex with a totally hot guy! What is your deal?
If I didn't have pregnancy hormones to blame it on, I would now be asking myself the same question. But with good reason this time! I really outdid that girl. I didn't just leak a few tears. I sobbed. I ran to the bathroom sobbing. I hit the ground in front of the toilet - sobbing. I sat there, on my hands and knees, sure I was going to throw up. Naked. And sobbing.
Like I said, I can laugh about it now...

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Seeing is believing

Words can not describe the overwhelming thrill of the moment I first saw my baby living inside of me. Up until today the only proof I had of the life growing in my belly were my very regular trips to the bathroom. It can be easy to feel disconnected from the reality behind the symptoms.
Not anymore.
My baby moved its feet. Only 9 weeks and 4 days according to ultrasound measurements and it was big enough to have feet. And to move them. It was the most impressive thing I ever saw anyone do. My husband was sitting behind my shoulders so I couldn't see his face (I suppose I could have had I been willing to take my eyes off of the monitor) but I think he may have shed one of the first tears since the day I met him almost four years ago. My husband just isn't a crier. I giggled and kept saying, "Babe! Look! Babe! Do you see?" and he just squeezed my hand.
Then the ultrasound tech turned on the audio and 174 galloping beats per minute flooded our little room. I overflowed. Big, warm tears rolled out of my eyes and, again, I laughed. It seems to be the only reaction to this magic that I can manage. But my laughter interrupted the sound of the heartbeat so I tried hard to control it this time. I could have listened to that sound all day. Justin said "Wow," just once, slowly and quietly, and squeezed my hand a little tighter. Truly the most awesome experience of my life.
Baby, I love you so much already. I can't wait to meet you.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Dreaming of Cheerios

This morning sickness (SUCH a misleading title! more like morning, noon, and night sickness) can really do a number on a person's sanity. My whole life, I've been prepping my self for the intense pain and brief horror of labor. You know about it from the time you're a little girl starting to ask her mom questions, you see it on tv and in movies, you may even get the privilege of witnessing a birth. And so you prepare yourself. You think, "Ok, yeah, I can do that." After all, you get the immediate reward of holding your newborn baby in your arms. But no one warns you about the early stuff. No one tells you to get ready to be so nauseous you can hardly keep a Saltine down. I never heard that the smell of coffee (one of my favorite things in the world!) would suddenly make me want to hurl. I had no previous awareness of the fact that a plain piece of toast might make me gag because, I swear to god, that little bite of bread multiplies in your mouth and the mush factor flies off the charts!
Maybe I'm just a wimp.
But I've decided I'm going to tell it like it is here on this blog. No making it sound easier than it is. No skipping the icky parts just to get to the fun and joyous moments. Be prepared for reality - in all its gruesome glory.
And the reality is: this part really sucks! I'm starving every second of the day but literally am doing well if I've consumed half of a package of Top Ramen. Something that sounds good one day and goes down relatively well, will make me gag the next. And when the nausea revs up, I better find something to put in my stomach that instant or I will be paying homage to the Porcelain God (no merry partying included). It's actually a very panicky feeling. I told Justin we might be going straight to adoption with our next one.
The night before last I had a dream about Honey Nut Cheerios. When I woke up, it was all I wanted in the world. Naturally, we didn't have any. My husband, who has already been a champ about running to the store to get whatever random thing I think I might be able to consume at any given moment, was asleep. He works late nights at the plant and often sleeps until 11 or 12, giving him only a couple of hours before he has to head back to work. I tiptoed through the morning on Saltines and Ginger Ale and asked him to please bring some home with him when he got off work. Like the great hubby he is, he called me from the store late last night and asked if there was anything else I wanted. I ordered some strawberry yogurt and pretzels. I was in bed by the time he got here and fell asleep comforted by the thought of the Cheerios that would be awaiting me in the morning. You can imagine my surprise this morning when I found our pantry void of new cereal boxes. Justin was up so I called to the next room, "Honey, where did you put the Cheerios?"
I could hear the trepidation in his reply, "You didn't pick them up?"
                  (In his defense for a moment: I had told him that I made a brief trip into town earlier in the day. He assumed that since I wanted the Cheerios so badly that I would have picked them up myself. Of course, I made no such stop.)
"You didn't get the Cheerios?! [Now tears] Honey! That's the whole reason you went to the store!"[Melt onto the kitchen floor, a blubbering mess. Over Cheerios.]
Justin, of course, saved the day and made a trip to the store at lightning speed and all is as well as it can be now.
But really? Crying over Cheerios?