My brother got married two weeks ago today. Crazy.
But that's not really what this post is about. (Though I should tell you about it! It was epic.) It's about the break we took on our drive out to Oregon for the wedding.
My son really did a fabulous job on our 13 hour road trip. Very few complaints. But at one point in the afternoon, you could tell how desperately he wanted out of that chair and to move around. Honestly, don't we all on road trips? We adults just suffer through, but a baby in the car means everyone gets what they want because the baby was smart enough to insist on it.
We spotted a park along the river in Kennewick, WA and it seemed like a good place to stop and stretch our legs. In fact, it was the perfect place to stop. It had one of those little water parks intended for smaller kids. A pad of concrete and a few fountains is all it takes to entertain a toddler.
I wasn't sure if Drake would be interested - he's been a little wary of water at times, and it did take him a while to warm up to it - but it wasn't long before he was sopping wet and happy.
Baba was the only one who could convince him to leave. He sure loves his Baba.
Afterwards, Drake decided it was his turn to drive.
I don't know if I'm just noticing these things more because of how much they have been on my mind lately, or if I'm just being shown what I need to see, but I have seen and read so many inspiring things on the subject of women's body image in the last few days.
Remember how I said I could go on for a long time about how industry benefits from women's self hatred? Well, this guy did. His name is Alok Appadurai, and he and his wife started A Beautiful Body Project. Their mission is to promote a new standard of beauty - one that is based in reality. His wife takes pictures of women's postpartum bodies and leaves them just as they are. No Photoshop. No airbrush. They are publishing a book of the images they have taken so far, and I want it. I want to display it on my coffee table for all my guests to see. I want it to be a part of my children's lives. I want them to see these images and know that they are beautiful and strong and real. The poem Alok wrote - Milking Millons Off Women's Self Doubt - is powerful. I strongly encourage you to read it.
Have you heard about the guy who 3-D printed a Barbie based on the average American woman's body? I think it's amazing and so, so frustrating at the same time. Why has it taken so long to do something like this? Why hasn't Mattel done it themselves? We've known for a long time that Barbie has an impossible physique, why can't we just change it? Either way, I love Real Barbie. I think she kinda looks like me. Or I look like her, I guess. Just minus the blonde hair. Who among us has been able to say that about the Barbie we grew up with...?! I want this new Barbie for my daughters.
I have so much more I could show you, but I think I'll lay this subject down for a while here on this blog. Check out my Pinterest board True Beauty for more inspiring images of real women and links to other people taking a stand.
I want to quickly share with you a couple of things I came across in the last couple of days that I found relevant to my last post. They aren't necessarily about the words we speak, but perhaps go a bit deeper, to the root of the whole issue.
The first is a simple image and quote from one of my favorite authors, the wonderful Maya Angelou.
The second is a dance choreographed by Stacey Tookey on the most recent episode of So You Think You Can Dance. She takes a look at the high pressure placed on women to be eternally young and beautiful. Why aren't we given the same permission that men are given to age gracefully? Perhaps it's time we start insisting on it.
I hope you enjoy them is much as I did.
That is this year's theme for me: catching up with my own intentions. For so long, I have intended to be better. To be better about opening a book before I turn on the TV. To be better about keeping up with my blog. About washing my face before I go to bed and taking my vitamins. To be better about not giving in to those impulse buys and spending money so easily. And on and on the list goes. And I'm tired of it. I'm tired of not being the woman and the wife and the mother that I have always intended to be. The ones I see around me that I respect and admire. You know, the ones who take their kids for an outdoor adventure every day, and make dinner every night, and eat all their fruits and veggies, and don't stress out over the mess of their kids' craft time, and work out, and read to their kids every day, and have good posture. I look at them and say to myself, "someday I'm going to have it that together." And now I'm saying, "someday starts today."
So that's it. I'm done. This year, I'm going to live with intentionality. I will not be swept away by the emotions or whims of a day. I will move through my life with purpose.
I fully intend to be:
a woman who is active and strong, but cares little about a number on a scale;
a mother who makes wholesome meals for her family, but never lets a diet come before a relationship;
a wife who respects the hard work of her husband by spending wisely and frugally;
a writer;
an up-cycler, re-cycler, and home made gifter;
a mother who values making memories over finishing chores, but never laziness over chores;
a friend who remembers to call, and sends a card just because;
a consumer who spends conscientiously, and doesn't let what's cute over shadow what's important;
and a few other things that, quite honestly, are just a bit too personal to share.
I'm going to start by going back and writing a few of the key blog posts that I had been intending to write for so many months. I'm going to back up a bit to get a running start at my forward progress. So yes, we will be rewinding all the way to Thanksgiving. Hang in there. Or don't, I guess. It's up to you. This is just something I feel like I have to do.
For today, I'm going to leave you with this very funny, very cute video of my son, just because. Hope you enjoy it as much as I do, though I suppose that's actually kind of impossible...
Hi. My name is Drake and I'm really good at coming up with great new games to play with Mommy! This is an example of the Toilet Paper Forts I like to build for her:
I'm also a big fan of Find A New Home. That's where I take important objects and find a new place for them to live. Mom's car keys belong in the vent hole in the floor. My binkie belongs in the flower pot. Mom still can't find my awesome new home for the Orajel.
Another good game is called Giggle and Crawl. This is wear I put my head down and crawl away as fast as my chubby legs will carry me any time I hear Mom calling my name or coming after me. I like to laugh like a crazy baby when I play this game. It makes me cuter.
My most recent game I discovered tonight during my bath time. I call it: Pretend It's a Rope. I mean, I know I can't actually grab onto running water. Let me show you how you play:
It was pretty low key, but nonetheless adorable! I mean, just look at him. Cutest baby with a mustache, ever. I held him on my hip as we handed out candy to sparkling princesses and foam-muscled super heroes. He was a pretty big hit with the accompanying parents, which of course makes this momma beam. "Thank you, thank you! Yeah, he's pretty cute. I guess I'll keep him..." (Smiles proudly and tickles Drake.)
When Justin got home from class, we decided to take Drake out to dinner so we could show him off to a few more people. That poor waitress. She heard all about how cool our kid is. :)
This Halloween season did mean one fun first - for me! I carved my first pumpkins! Way, WAY too soon - as they were mostly rotten by Wedneday night, but I had fun doing it and look forward to lots and lots of creatively carved pumpkins next year.
Oh! And there was this cute moment when Drake had his first piece of candy ever (peanut butter cups - Mom's favorite). Don't mind Justin and my commentary in the background - I'm telling you, parenthood really puts your personal brand of weird in the spotlight.
I'm linking up with Momma Loves Papa for the first time in a good long while for her Small Style series. I thought Drake's stylish Halloween costume deserved a nod. ;)
This video isn't particularly funny. There is no "first" caught on tape. It is just so quintessentially Drake, age 10 months and 3 weeks. I pull everything out of Mommy's drawers, experiment with new sounds as I try to talk, crawl around, pull myself up on everything, be super freaking cute. (Note: not pictured here: the fits he has begun to throw. Dear Jesus, help me. Must figure out a way to curb that fun new habit.)
It's a funny thing. For me, it's more of a sense than a thing. I have lived in some places for months without them ever quite feeling like home. Other spaces have felt like home before I moved in the first box. And it's not just about shelter. It's about location, too. But mostly it's about people. My husband and son make any house home on some level. And yet the house we're in now is one of those that has never quite felt right. It's not ours; it doesn't suit our needs; it isn't what we would pick for ourselves. But that is all about to change.
We bought a house last Friday. But we didn't buy just any house. We bought our house.
Our home.
It felt like home the first time I saw it (almost three months ago now). It was full of outdated Grandma-y decor and really, really bad carpet, but I loved it. We put an offer in almost immediately but, sadly, got out-bid. I was beyond heartbroken but, mostly for my husband's sake, tried to keep my chin up. "There will be other good ones," I told myself.
The next time we went house hunting, I tried hard to keep my ex-realtor Dad's tough-love advice in mind: "You can't have that house. It's gone. Forget about it." But I couldn't. I compared everything to it and was completely underwhelmed by my new options. Justin felt the same but chose to let his practical mind take over. My emotions were, as usual, overshadowing my otherwise logical self.
After a few weeks of that, it was a relief to us both when our realtor called to ask if we wanted to put another offer on the first house, as the other buyers' offer had fallen through. Yes! Yes! Yes! A big, emphatic no-hesitations, "Yes!"
In the nearly six weeks since then, a lot has factored into our level of excitement over the new house: financial worries, leaving my home town, the stress of packing. But through it all, I've never doubted for a moment that this is the house for us. What I did doubt was that the proverbial "they" of the world was actually going to give it to us. The seller was going to back out; the appraiser was going to tank the deal; the bank was going to decide "Just kidding! We don't like your credit score after all."
But none of that happened.
On Friday afternoon, the title company receptionist very unceremoniously handed us a manila folder full of plastic baggies full of keys labeled, "garage and greenhouse," "back door," "front door," and "oddball." We drove out of the parking lot like we were afraid they were going to realize their mistake and take them back.
As we drove into Three Forks, I took in everything around us. The old abandoned train station; the tiny coffee shack for sale; the Chinese restaurant with big red letters. I turned to Justin and said, "Hey, we live here now."
"Yeah, that's what I was just thinking. Weird."
At the house, Justin swept me up and carried me across the threshold and we giggled and kissed and freaked out and generally relished in it for a minute.
Then we got straight to destroying it.
We tore up carpet in some corner of each bedroom and were ecstatic to find old hardwood floors under most of them. They are going to take some hard lovin to get back to pretty but they are there! I accidentally broke the cat door in the front porch. The second you become homeowners, right? Oh well, we don't have a cat.
We ran around doing funny things like tasting the water from the tap - good! - and testing the garage door openers.
I still can hardly believe it.
It belongs to us.
Tomorrow we start the messy job of tearing it apart a bit. A couple of walls are coming out. The - hardwood! - floors are getting refinished. We have so many plans. Because we can. Because it's our first home.
Drake will crawl there for the first time. He will say his first words. He'll take his first steps.
Next week, the three of us are moving home.
This is how Nana Amy described Drake and his new-found voice: "Like a little lion cub who's figuring out his roar." Such a cute image to me. Which is fitting. Cuz my son is basically the cutest thing since sliced bread. (Is sliced bread cute? Either way...)
It really is a roar, too. Along side figuring out that he has vocal chords that - whoa! - produce sound! Drake has also discovered a little emotion we like to call "anger." But it's like he's playing with the idea. "I think I'll be mad at you for a minute, Dad. Let me try: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeAGHHH!" (Arch! Flail! Frown!) "How was that?" And then he laughs. Funny kid.
Drake is quickly taking on a lot of "big" boy qualities. (I recognize that it's all relative, and he only seems like a big boy as compared to his newborn-ness - and then, even, only to me. What a novice mother am I. Nevertheless.) He's beginning to notice the things around him. He sees the toys that hang from his bouncy chair and slaps at them wildly. Every once in a while he gets a hold of one - and seems completely confounded as to what is preventing him from pulling his arm back down close to his body. It's pretty cool to watch him slowly begin to discover the world around him. It's still a small world, but it's all new to him. It wakes up the up the sense of awe and wonder in me, too, as I see things the way I imagine he must see them. Pretty lights! Bright colors! So soft!
I've tried to facilitate these little exploratory experiences by placing things of various textures in his hands, setting brightly colored toys in his line of sight, and singing or playing music. The other day I was blessed enough to capture this "first" on video:
That duck had literally been hanging on his car seat since the day he was born. Suddenly, it was hilarious. By the way, I'm truly sorry you had to put up with my laughing like a hyena in the background. Hopefully Drake's sweet laugh made up for it.
Speaking of all that talking and cooing and smiling my sweet boy has been doing lately...
Here's a short video from yesterday. I love the way he has started really working his mouth, making round oooo sounds and hard guh sounds. And the way he flares his little nostrils. And the way he expresses so much with those prize winning eyebrows of his. Ugh. I love my kid.
It's just one of the million little details I am fighting like hell to log away somewhere very safe. He is so absolutely perfect. Right now. And tomorrow he will be different, but perfect all over again. I just want to remember every single step. Every new kind of perfect. Is that too much to ask?
This is the way he sounds when he's sleeping. It's a particular kind of sweetness. (You will most likely have to turn up the sound on your computer - it's pretty quiet.)
Good old baby sounds. Baby boys sounds. Lots of grunting, a little cooing.
