It happened already

My son is six months old today. 

 Six months old. All I can do is shake my head in disbelief. All the cliche things are true: it literally goes by in the blink of an eye! I've done everything I can to relish the last six months. I stare at him intently and take everything in and beg time to slow down. It doesn't. It speeds on - faster and faster all the time. I just know that I'm gonna sneeze and it'll be his first birthday. It's crazy. And it's hard to cope with sometimes. But it's not sad. Watching my boy grow and flourish and learn and develop is the greatest honor and thrill of my life. And look how handsome this big boy is!

One year

Approximately one year ago, something happened silently inside me that would change my world forever. I didn't know it when it happened. I didn't plan it. But I am so, so grateful for it.

One year ago, I was immersed in my second semester as an English Major at Carroll College. I stressed and obsessed and fussed over writing assignments. I typed furiously on my laptop - late into the night - in my favorite corner of campus or some all-night diner. I was trying to figure out Who I Was; What I Sounded Like. I was worried about finals. I was dreaming of becoming a successful, well-paid writer.

These days, my writing assignments are self-assigned. I try to challenge myself here on this blog. I try desperately to remember, and to practice, the knowledge I soaked up in that one year. I’m still trying to find My Voice. I struggle to remember the “What?” and the “So-What?” of each post I write. Why am I writing it? Who am I writing it for? Myself? Drake? My readers? These days, I tend to write my blog posts from my couch, often with just one hand, with a sleeping baby in my lap.

 One year ago, I wasn't getting enough sleep. I sat up nights with a stack of papers and a highlighter. I went cross-eyed staring at my computer screen. I hardly ate. I was completely stressed.

These days, I still don’t get enough sleep, but my late night company is a baby boy who needs me. My eyes are tired and heavy, but they are greeted with gummy smiles and chunky thighs. These days, I eat whenever and whatever I want. I am completely content.

One year ago, I felt as though I was navigating heavy decisions, important tasks, and weighty subjects – the stuff that would affect my future, my well-being, my success, my happiness. I had to work my tail off to make sure I set myself up on the path I wanted (yes: I, I , I).

These days, the biggest decision has been made. My future is my child. My tasks are smaller, but the ripples reach so much further into the future. They go beyond my life time. My days consist of regular feedings and diaper changes, but each is performed with the heart-stretching knowledge that (God willing) this well fed, clean little boy will out-live me. Out-learn me. Out-do me in ways I can’t even imagine yet.

One year ago, I was stressing about the few pounds I put on in my freshman year.

These days, I’d pay good money to see that number on the scale again.

One year ago, my husband and I had a great sex life.

These days, well… there’s a baby in our bed. (Hey, it’s one of the major ways my life has changed. It seemed wrong to let it go unmentioned.)

One year ago, I had never changed a little boy’s diaper. I had never shopped for a breast pump. I had never worn a nursing bra. I had never made a baby blanket for my baby. I had never packed up the clothes he outgrew. I had never “worn” a baby during a workout. I had never spent a date with my husband wondering how my baby was doing. I had never met my son.

One year ago, I had no idea what a difference the next year was about to make.

My first baby

My favorite picture of her - 7 weeks old, sleeping on my slippers.

I have wanted a dog my whole life. No exaggeration, I promise. Both of my siblings had dogs to call their own, as did my Mom and Dad, but apparently 4 dogs was the cut off. And then I moved out of the house when I was 18, and despite the crazy desire to run out and buy the next puppy I saw, was smart enough to recognize that my life would be completely unpredictable for the next who knows how many years. The apartment hopping life just isn't really a life for a dog. So I can not tell you how excited I was when my husband told me last year for my birthday that we could get a dog.

I had never spent any time around boxers before. The few I had seen I thought were kind of ugly. The only reason I decided to go look at the puppies I saw advertised in the paper was because my husband had a boxer named Lady as a teenager, and I knew how much he had loved that dog.

My baby at six weeks - those first few days after I brought her home. <3

It was truly love at first sight. From the first time I met her, Sadie and I were fast friends. She chose me, really, continually coming out from the litter to demand my attention. I was very happy to oblige. And since that day, she has been my baby.

She is so precious when she's sleepy - and my favorite napping partner!

She is truly spoiled. Hopefully not rotten, but both my husband and I have such a soft spot for her, I know she gets away with much more than we should allow. But for more than a year now, she has been one of the brightest spots in every day. Always happy, always looking for love and attention, way too smart for her own good, and a genius at using the sad puppy eyes to get more from us (more scratching, more play time.. just more).

See? Spoiled.

And now with a real baby on the way, I'm worried about her. She is an attention hungry dog. What will happen when I don't have as much time for her? It breaks my heart to think of her feeling neglected or pushed aside.
My husband and I are seriously considering adopting a male boxer, 3 years old and neutered, to be her companion. My hope is that this eases the transition for her. A friend to play with. But I'm  nervous. Is that just one more thing to take our attention away from her? Is it too much to take on with a baby on the way? Or is it helpful, keeping her occupied and happy?
Any words of advice?