Young and Beautiful

I want to quickly share with you a couple of things I came across in the last couple of days that I found relevant to my last post. They aren't necessarily about the words we speak, but perhaps go a bit deeper, to the root of the whole issue.
The first is a simple image and quote from one of my favorite authors, the wonderful Maya Angelou.
The second is a dance choreographed by Stacey Tookey on the most recent episode of So You Think You Can Dance. She takes a look at the high pressure placed on women to be eternally young and beautiful. Why aren't we given the same permission that men are given to age gracefully? Perhaps it's time we start insisting on it.
I hope you enjoy them is much as I did.

 

Taking Care of Momma

You hear it everywhere: you have to take care of yourself to be a better mom and wife, not to mention you owe it to yourself, plain and simple. But hearing it repeatedly doesn't make it any easier to implement. For me, parenthood was such an adjustment - with so many new requirements on my time and energy - the first thing to go was me. Between school, pregnancy, and our eventual move to Three Forks for Justin's flight program, I have been unable to dance (my first love) with any consistency for almost three years now. Without it, I have quickly put on weight, lost strength, flexibility, and plenty of self esteem. After losing a pregnancy and being forced to quit nursing last month, my body image has deteriorated further. But it has also worked as a kick in the pants. I want to be a mom - I want to get pregnant again. But I want to be excited about it when it happens. A huge part of that for me is feeling physically ready - strong and healthy. So I am determined to use last month's tragedy as a motivation to do better from here on out.
I'm starting from nothing - truly. Without dance, my physical activity has been strictly limited to chasing my son around the house. I'm in the worst shape of my life. So I'm going to do this slowly. I know myself, and if I overwhelm myself with daunting tasks, I just won't do them.
So here's the plan:
On Mondays, Tuesdays and Fridays I'm trying (I say trying because I've only been successful at this about half of the time so far) to get up at 6 am to head out for a walk/run. I've never been a runner, nor have I ever enjoyed running (I seriously think it was a case of PTSD from my asthmatic run-the-mile days in grade school) but I'm convincing myself that this is something to look forward to. It's actually kind of working. Those are the mornings that Justin doesn't have to get up at 4 am to leave for work, which means I can leave Drake with him and head out on my own. Looking at it as some alone time for myself actually makes it quite tempting. Mental health: addressed.
On Wednesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays I am doing some at-home calisthenic exercises. A few very basic things just to try to rebuild some tone in my muscles before I attempt anything more intense.
Sundays I'm taking off.
I'm overhauling my family's diet and getting back to counting calories. It's such an important awareness step. We use My Fitness Pal, which makes it so easy. They have an app for smart phones or tablets that syncs with the website so you can update your food and exercise diary from anywhere. Justin and I are also doing a gentle cleanse this week - just veggie and liquid heavy. Avoiding most dairy.
Beyond that, I'm setting aside Drake's first nap of the day as time to do something I want to do, but it can't be tv. Blogging, painting, sewing, reading. Something that reminds me of the parts of myself I like and enjoy.
I plan to write about the whole process here. I'm looking to you all to keep me accountable but I also may need some encouragement along the way. And if any of you would like to join me, I would so love to go on this journey with someone. Even if your plan is different from mine, I'd love to hear from you. Let's build each other up!

Taking Care of Momma, Week 2 (I didn't write about Week 1, so we'll just start here):
Running plan: walk 7 minutes, run 2 minutes - repeat 4 times. Walk 9 minutes to cool down. Total: 45 minutes. Stretch!
Calisthenics plan: 10 squat/knee ups (squat down and then as you stand you pull one knee up above waist level, contracting your stomach, switch knees on the next squat),10 calf raises, 5 push ups on toes, 5 push ups on knees, 10 chair tricep dips - repeat 3 times. Neutral spine exercises on the foam roller - 5 minutes. (these exercises were prescribed by my chiropractor to help with alignment and core strength. This site has some good images and explanations of the kinds of things I'm doing.)  Plank - 45 seconds. Stretch!
Weight: 139 lbs
Self Esteem: poor. Let's just be honest. I'm struggling.

Goals:
Running: Run more than I walk.
Calisthenics: Get through a more intense workout without feeling like I'm going to pass out or fall over. I'm hoping to be able to follow the workouts at Body Rock by Week 5. They have a huge variety of workouts and they can all be done in 12 minutes, which seems extremely doable.
Weight: 130
Self Esteem: healthy. I just don't want to feel this hate inside. Ugh - you're not supposed to say that - but  it's true. And I know it shouldn't be.

Here we go!

A good night

I actually did things last night! Highly unusual for this pregnant lady. After getting off of work at 4, I did my makeup - shock! - and hair - bigger shock. I miraculously found an outfit that fit (with some creative styling: skinny jeans unbuttoned and held up by a belly band) that did not involve sweats or a t shirt or tennis shoes. For the first time in months, I felt cute.
And so I went out! Well, I suppose I did all of that because I was already planning on going out - but nevertheless, the surprising success of my efforts definitely created a renewed enthusiasm for the idea of spending the evening in public places. (Most nights these days are spent at home alone - occasionally at my sister's - but always in my pj's.)
First, I went Salsa dancing. Ok, so I didn't do a lot of dancing. It's pretty hard to keep your balance on a pair of heels with a giant, round weight attached to the front of you (not to mention I think it makes the men feel a little awkward to have a big belly invading their dancing space). But I hung out with some of my best girlfriends while they taught a Salsa lesson and lead some open dancing.
They are on the eve of a new commitment to healthy eating - which of course meant that last night absolutely called for some wonderful junk food - so we went out to eat and laugh and talk until 10:30.
When we had finished our eating and our gabbing and the rest of the group was headed home, I, of all people, headed down town instead of heading home. My final destination of the night was a little Irish pub where another of my wonderful girlfriends was supporting her man. Her boyfriend was playing a gig there with his very cool folk/bluegrass band and, as fun as it feels to be the girlfriend of the hot guy in the band - the one with the guitar singing lead vocals - it's never fun to sit alone. I was happy to join her, keep her company, enjoy the hell out of her company, and hear some good music. I only stayed for about an hour but I had a great time.
A pregnant lady on the town. Drinking lots and lots of water. And it was so good.

 

Pregnancy update: I'm 34 weeks today! We don't need to talk about weight - don't worry, I've gained plenty! :P At last check, my belly was nearly 43" around. Whoa! 

Just six more weeks to full term! Just TWO weeks until I can safely deliver with my wonderful midwife outside of the hospital. It's crazy to think how soon he could be here! I'm ready though. Carrying this weight around is definitely getting uncomfortable. Poor back and feet. They are ready for some relief. 

Working really hard at remaining patient...

Sunning the belly

Took a trip to the lake yesterday with the other instructors from my dance studio (aka my second family). It was a great afternoon: great friends, sunshine, water, macaroni salad and watermelon (the food matters to a pregnant lady!), and a belly on display. 21 1/2 weeks and there is no disguising it any more!