Saturday, December 3, 2011

38 weeks

I’m tired and emotional. I want to cry but I can’t pin point why. Just seems like it would feel good. Or awful. But either way it’s tempting. It’s just all this sitting around. All this waiting. I try to do things to take my mind off of it, but they wear me out quickly. Too tired to do anything, too bored to just sit here, too uncomfortable to sleep. Gosh, I hope I’m right about him coming on the 10th… Justin told me not to get my hopes up but I totally have. If I go past due I don’t know what I’ll do. Doing everything I can just to keep it together right now. And nothing is really wrong! I should remember how blessed I am – a complication free pregnancy. My baby is healthy. I’m fine. I’m just so damn tired. The thing of it is that that won’t change once he gets here. I’m kidding myself if I’m looking toward his arrival as a physical relief. But my hips and back don’t agree. They can’t wait to be done. And I shouldn’t complain – I know that. But just for a minute, I’m going to. And then I’m going to go back to practicing being a stay at home mom. I will find some way to clean some more. I will keep organizing and decorating his room. I will wrap Christmas presents early and send birthday cards and make the best of this time – this blessing! – of being able to be at home. I will. In just a few more minutes. Right after I have a good cry.

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