Wednesday, April 27, 2011

The Game Changer

I woke up on Good Friday and made a bee-line for the toilet. Sick. I don't tend to start my Friday mornings that way and so, naturally, my first thoughts flew to the possibility that I was pregnant. The rest of the day, however, brought on a full blown flu. Every hour seemed to bring a new symptom. Fever. Body aches. The works. The tiny hunch that perhaps I had just experienced my first bout of morning sickness lingered but was mostly drowned out by the immediate discomfort and pain. I hadn't been that sick in a long, long time.
Looking back now, I think that day gets to go down as my first day of crazy emotional pregnant behavior. My best friend Jaime's daughters were having their joint birthday party that afternoon and I had been promising my nieces, Ayden and Ellie, that I would take them for weeks. I didn't want to get them sick but I hated even more the thought of disappointing them - two sets of big, sad eyes and the inevitable begging and guilt trip laying, "Monny (the moniker Ayden assigned to me long ago) pleeeeaasse! Why can't we go to the party? You promised! Can't you just take some medicine?" Ugh. I wrestled with the decision up until the last minute and ultimately opted to function as a glorified taxi driver, get them to the party, and then make myself scarce.
Once there, my plan worked for exactly 30 minutes before the sound of the dozens of giggling/screaming girls pushed me beyond my ability to cope. I tried to hide on a futon in Jaime's basement, cried into the cushions until Ayden and Ellie had their birthday cake, and then loaded the girls back up in my taxi.
The pain that was radiating through every muscle and joint was so intense, I wasn't sure I should be driving - not to mention the tears that were blurring my eyes. Instead of driving the 20 minutes out of town to my sister's house, I drove three minutes up the road to my Mom's and begged her to take the girls home for me.
By then, the chills had set in and I was shivering uncontrollably. Mom suggested a bath, started one for me, and then left with the girls. I sat hunched over on the couch, rocking back and forth, rubbing the palms of my hands into my quads in an effort not to freak out. When the bath was full, I found to my utter dismay that the hot water had run out half way through and the bath was now only slightly warm. I got in anyway, praying that it would be enough to stop the chill, but of course, it only made things worse. Now I was wet and cold. I pulled a bath towel into the tub with me and tried to wrap up in it. Very intelligent decision.
Mom found me that way when she got back, tried not to laugh at me, and helped me out of the tub. I was so cold and sore, I couldn't stand up straight, much less move. Mom dried me off like I was 9 again, put me in some of her sweats, and put me in bed.
Ridiculous day.
The rest of the weekend was a milder version of the same, but by Monday all symptoms had subsided except for the nausea and vomiting. By Tuesday I was again skeptical that my symptoms had been strictly flu related. I bought a pregnancy test.
I had thought a lot before about how I would tell my husband when I found out I was pregnant for the first time. I had always kind of hoped that it would fall near Father's Day so I could buy him a card and present and wait for him to understand why.
Yesterday, however, I thought of nothing clever. I was so overwhelmed and shocked and thrilled and amazed at that bright red line, I lost all of my words. I found Justin in the garage working on his motorcycle and I just blurted it out. "Babe, I'm pregnant." He responded about the way I had - dumbfounded, confused, excited, terrified, speechless. I started giggling and then couldn't stop. The more the truth of it sank into me the more I felt like I was going to burst or spillover or overflow. And so I giggled. And giggled. And giggled.
Justin asked if I was sure. I told him I had only taken one test and that I would take another one in the morning, to which he responded by saying to himself, "Right. Don't get excited." and my heart melted.
He is going to be such a great Dad. I've known it about him since I met him. I remember very distinctly thinking, "Please be the Father of my children." That was nearly four years ago.
I can't believe it's finally about to happen.
Everything is different now.


  1. Emily. I am beyond words excited for you! You and Justin are going to be amazing parents, and hip ones at that... good luck in this pregnancy and I can't wait to be part of it and eventually meet your little.

  2. Just found your blog. What a sweet post :) Congratulations!