The best thing I got for Christmas

My Son.

He came a little early - December 7 at 6:56 pm. He was 7 lbs 8 oz, 21" long, 100% pure magic.
I've been meaning to introduce him to you sooner, but I was a little lost in Newborn Land (read "endless nursing, sleepless nights, giddy oblivion").
I'll fill you in on more details soon (birth story to come) but in the meantime, enjoy a few photos of the Christmas Miracle that is Drake Leonidas Waugh.

38 weeks

I’m tired and emotional. I want to cry but I can’t pin point why. Just seems like it would feel good. Or awful. But either way it’s tempting. It’s just all this sitting around. All this waiting. I try to do things to take my mind off of it, but they wear me out quickly. Too tired to do anything, too bored to just sit here, too uncomfortable to sleep. Gosh, I hope I’m right about him coming on the 10^th… Justin told me not to get my hopes up but I totally have. If I go past due I don’t know what I’ll do. Doing everything I can just to keep it together right now. And nothing is really wrong! I should remember how blessed I am – a complication free pregnancy. My baby is healthy. I’m fine. I’m just so damn tired. The thing of it is that that won’t change once he gets here. I’m kidding myself if I’m looking toward his arrival as a physical relief. But my hips and back don’t agree. They can’t wait to be done. And I shouldn’t complain – I know that. But just for a minute, I’m going to. And then I’m going to go back to practicing being a stay at home mom. I will find some way to clean some more. I will keep organizing and decorating his room. I will wrap Christmas presents early and send birthday cards and make the best of this time – this blessing! – of being able to be at home. I will. In just a few more minutes. Right after I have a good cry.

A good night

I actually did things last night! Highly unusual for this pregnant lady. After getting off of work at 4, I did my makeup - shock! - and hair - bigger shock. I miraculously found an outfit that fit (with some creative styling: skinny jeans unbuttoned and held up by a belly band) that did not involve sweats or a t shirt or tennis shoes. For the first time in months, I felt cute.
And so I went out! Well, I suppose I did all of that because I was already planning on going out - but nevertheless, the surprising success of my efforts definitely created a renewed enthusiasm for the idea of spending the evening in public places. (Most nights these days are spent at home alone - occasionally at my sister's - but always in my pj's.)
First, I went Salsa dancing. Ok, so I didn't do a lot of dancing. It's pretty hard to keep your balance on a pair of heels with a giant, round weight attached to the front of you (not to mention I think it makes the men feel a little awkward to have a big belly invading their dancing space). But I hung out with some of my best girlfriends while they taught a Salsa lesson and lead some open dancing.
They are on the eve of a new commitment to healthy eating - which of course meant that last night absolutely called for some wonderful junk food - so we went out to eat and laugh and talk until 10:30.
When we had finished our eating and our gabbing and the rest of the group was headed home, I, of all people, headed down town instead of heading home. My final destination of the night was a little Irish pub where another of my wonderful girlfriends was supporting her man. Her boyfriend was playing a gig there with his very cool folk/bluegrass band and, as fun as it feels to be the girlfriend of the hot guy in the band - the one with the guitar singing lead vocals - it's never fun to sit alone. I was happy to join her, keep her company, enjoy the hell out of her company, and hear some good music. I only stayed for about an hour but I had a great time.
A pregnant lady on the town. Drinking lots and lots of water. And it was so good.

 

Pregnancy update: I'm 34 weeks today! We don't need to talk about weight - don't worry, I've gained plenty! :P At last check, my belly was nearly 43" around. Whoa! 

Just six more weeks to full term! Just TWO weeks until I can safely deliver with my wonderful midwife outside of the hospital. It's crazy to think how soon he could be here! I'm ready though. Carrying this weight around is definitely getting uncomfortable. Poor back and feet. They are ready for some relief. 

Working really hard at remaining patient...

A fall day

This post is my second contribution to the Just Write challenge.

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So far, it’s been the best sort of fall. The kind that lasts. Not the kind that is spoiled by a sudden freeze, leaving dead brown leaves to fall, wilted and sad. At least not yet. So far there has been the slow progression of color I hope for every year. Some trees are still completely green, which gives me hope for a few more weeks of mild weather and rainbow leaves.

I’m driving up Benton Ave and the tall trees - what are they? ash? cotton wood? oak? I know nothing about these things - on either side of the street are mostly golden. Not a lot of red or orange in this stretch, just a brilliant yellow. Gold flakes float down in front of my windshield. My tires cause a swirling and twirling of the sea of gold on the road.

Scanning the radio, I land on a Louis Armstrong track. I’ve never heard the song before, but really – how could you mistake that voice? I think of my Grandma Nicki bopping her big hips to the You’ve Got Mail soundtrack. Biting her bottom lip with a smile in her eye.

You’ve Got Mail. There’s a good flick – with a fellow lover of fall. “A bouquet of freshly sharpened pencils.” That always makes me smile. It was one of Grandma’s favorite movies. Probably still is. I feel that old familiar pang of sadness at the loss of those sweet times.

A long, looong overdue post

Hi. :}
Sorry about the extended absence. By way of simple explanation: my brain hurt. I was too tired to focus on writing anything coherent and, simultaneously, a little too worried about it. I felt myself worrying about updating my blog for all the wrong reasons - basically everything accept the original goal of keeping a sort of online baby book for myself and my son. So I gave myself a break until I got back to a place of wanting to post an update, not feeling like I had to.

We took a hike up by the Gibson Reservoir on Saturday - great day with my hubby and the puppies.

I'm 30 weeks! Sooooo crazy. 30 weeks and 3 days if we're being picky. I feel HUGE but am increasingly more and more ok with it - especially now that, thanks to my sister and wonderful friend Jaime, I have expanded my maternity wardrobe a bit.
Sleeping is, surprisingly, getting easier. I'm either just used to the discomfort or figuring out better positions for rest - possibly both. I get worn out easily (took a 30 minute light hike today, followed by an hour long nap) but the constant fatigue seems to be easing off a bit.
My son moves so, so, SO much. To be honest, some times it kind of grosses me out. Most times though, it's fun to be reminded of his presence in my day.
We have officially transferred care to the Birth Place in Bozeman with Stacey Haugland and will be going back for our second visit with her this Thursday morning. It feels really good to have found an avenue for my goal. Now, if everyone would just join me in the prayer that I make it past 36 weeks so I can deliver with her and have a nice, smoothly progressing labor so we can make the drive.... :) That would be greatly appreciated.
I'm more in love with my husband every day. This could be filed under "normal," "marriage," or "every day" but it seems appropriate in the baby blog, too. We are experiencing one of the most profound transformations of our lives - and we're doing it together. On this past Sunday - dubbed by my hubby "Sentimental Sunday" because he thinks he tends to think about things more on that day - Justin said to me, "I love you more and more the bigger your belly gets. It is a direct correlation." I smiled and asked him what would happen when the belly went away. He said simply, "It'll stay."

I am going to have some serious smile lines around my eyes when I'm older! :)

The Drive Home

This post is part of the Just Write challenge, and will hopefully become the first in a series of Tuesday posts here on my blog.

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Listening to classical music on YPR, it’s already dark as I drive home from my afternoon of grocery shopping. My feet are aching and I feel like I could sleep right here. I’m dreading how many trips it will take to unload all of this.

You flutter low in my belly. “Hey, kiddo” I say, brushing my hand across my ever-growing bump.

We enter the s-curve of Valley Drive and I see a dead rabbit on the side of the road. That familiar sink settles into my chest. I wonder if you will be a softy like me. Swinging left I see the moon sitting fat and orange just above the hills on the east edge of the valley. The sinking feeling leaves and I wonder if you will be as in love with the little things of this world as I am.

59. That’s what the temperature gauge in our Jeep reads. Thank the lord, it’s finally starting to cool down. I’m glad I wore my jeans today.

Final left turn onto Main St – almost home. I remind myself to keep it under the speed limit. I repeat my new motto, “Drive like there’s an infant in the car.” Because really, there already is.

Letter to My Son

Dear Son,

Do you know that I love you? Every time you jump inside of me, my heart jumps with you. Even when it keeps me awake at night. Yes, it would be great if you wanted to sleep when I do, but I’ll take the  midnight bumps and kicks if it means having you.

I’ve been having the sensation of missing you lately. Odd, since I haven’t really met you yet. But I read this book that tells me how you’re growing each week and you should be nearing three pounds by now. Three pounds! You weren’t even a pound yet the last time I got to see you in an ultrasound. And so now I feel like I need to know how you’ve changed. Could I see your fingers more clearly? Would you let me get a better look at your face? You were so shy (or annoyed?) last time. You kept turning away from the ultrasound or shielding your face with your hands.

I day dream about what you will look like. Dark haired and dark eyed? Or blonde and blue eyed, maybe, like your cousin. You’re sure to have big, chubby cheeks. There’s no getting around that one, I’m afraid, with your Dad and I for parents. If I run down the list of features, I generally end up hoping you get most of them from your Dad. He’s just so handsome. But no matter whose side of the family you take after, I know you’re going to be perfect and I can’t wait to kiss your tiny nose and nibble on your puffy feet. (I’m sorry – you’ll just have to put up with that. I get it from my Mom – your Nana – the urge to bite things that are cute. Your Nana calls those bite-worthy bits Sweet Meat. Maybe it makes us a little weird, but I promise it’s a sign of affection.)

Even more than I wonder what you will look like, I wonder about what you will be like. Quiet and serious? Or wild and funny? Will you love to read? (I’m reading Jane Eyre to you right now. It’s not likely to turn out to be your favorite book, but maybe you will inherit my love of reading if I read something that I adore. Plus I’m hoping you’ll be attached to the sound of my voice.) Or would you rather run around outside and invent new worlds for your games? I hope you’ll do plenty of both.

I had a dream last night that you were here. I was lying in my bed, holding you. Some other things happened in the dream but you were the only part that made me a little sad when I woke up. I was sad to find that you were not there for me to hold and to kiss.

I can’t wait to meet you. I tear up at the beautiful promise of the moment I get to hold you in my arms. But on some level, I’m going to miss this: the constant companionship of you being a physical part of me. The constant bumps to remind me you are ok. Not just ok, but healthy and strong. I already fret about how out of control it will feel to have you separated from me. It makes me a little nervous for the years that are to come. I’m apologizing right now if I turn out to be one of those obsessive, worry wart mothers when you are a teenager and young man. I promise to do my best to fight the urge to control and protect, and to just let you be you. To make your own mistakes. To forge your own way. To learn to believe in yourself.

But for now, I’m glad to have you where you are. I will keep you safely in here for a few more months. Know that I love you more than I ever knew possible.

Love,

Mom